Help with mental and emotional stress

Forums General Melanoma Community Help with mental and emotional stress

  • Post
    Erin_Elizz
    Participant

      Hi everybody, sorry for the long post but I would really appreciate some help

      I'm having issues with my mentality and emotions right now and I could really use some help or suggestions for dealing with the situation.

      A bit of background on me first, I am a twenty year old, happy go lucky university student who does not tan and has no family history of melanom but was diagnosed with a stage one, clark level 4, 1mm deep nodular melanoma on my arm last month.

      Trailing a very difficult year abroad, health wise, my melanom diagnosis was just the icing on the cake. I had been studying in London since September 2013 and experienced my first food poisoning, lady issues, two sprained ankles, my first concussion, post concussion syndrome and a family death all within the nine months of my stay. In the last twp weeks of my stay, I was sent to the dermatologist by my GP and they did an immediate excision of the mole, stating that it could not wait for me to arrive back in the states. I was a bit shaken with the sudden in office surgery as I only had thirty minutes, an international phone call to my mother, and four shots of local anestetics to prepare before I was put onto the table with a knife at my arm, but after they finished the only concern I had was how I was going to pack while my arm was stiched up. At that time, the biopsy was the least of my concerns.

      Fast forward two weeks later to June 9th, the day before I was sue to fly home: I was called into the office to pick up the slides in order to transport them back to my American doctors. I knew something was up because the doctor called in another doctor right before I was called into office. They gave me the diagnosis; nodular melanoma, and told me that if I were remaining in the UK they would want more surgery due to the clark level of my mole and the fact that at 1mm, I was right on the border of stage 1 and 2. Since I was going back to the US, however, it would be up to the home doctors whether or not we took these further steps.

      Now, at this point, I did not even bat an eyelash. I'd done my research (History major in me), and I knew what everything they said meant. I was going to be fine. On June 10th I was on my flight home, and by the weekend I had already had three doctors appointments to review the results and schedule my surgery. (I also had a breast cancer scare, but those results thankfully came back clear, so that worry has now settled).

      It is now almost a week after my surgery and it seems like everything has just decided to come crashing down on me. I don't know if it is the struggle of the recovery, the medicine, or the inactivity but all of a sudden my usual happy go luckiness has gone down the drain. When I speak about my situation to my family or boyfriend, I sound like I have a clear head and no worries, as I should at this moment. However, I find that I just can't smile like I used to.

      While part of the reason may be because I've been taking the time to browse floppy hats and sun parasols in my down time, with the realization that everything had changed now, the other part of me is frustrated that I cannot seem to be logical about this. There are so many people with worse cases, who have reason to be scared yet are being so much stronger than I am managing to be at this moment. I was being strong, I was handling it well, but now, despite almost being in the clear, I am scared, angry, and so many other emotions that I cannot express to my family in order to keep them from worrying.

       

      I wan to be me again, I want to be happy. I don't want to feel as if any self confidence I ever had has been squashed or that I'm all alone when I know I'm not. I want to be strong again. I just don't know how. Anyone have any suggestions?

       

      Thank you!

      Erin

       

    Viewing 8 reply threads
    • Replies
        JC
        Participant

          Sometimes it just helps to talk about it, with people who “get it.” There should be general cancer support groups in your area. Check with the American Cancer Society in your area. There might be melanoma specific support groups as well. There are a few organizations that can link you up with someone else who has a similar cancer diagnosis. One organization that will connect you is Imerman Angels. http://www.imermanangels.org/

            Erin_Elizz
            Participant

              Thank you very much for your reply, I will look into these organizations. It definitely would help to talk to someone in a similar situation.

               

              Erin

              Erin_Elizz
              Participant

                Thank you very much for your reply, I will look into these organizations. It definitely would help to talk to someone in a similar situation.

                 

                Erin

                Erin_Elizz
                Participant

                  Thank you very much for your reply, I will look into these organizations. It definitely would help to talk to someone in a similar situation.

                   

                  Erin

                JC
                Participant

                  Sometimes it just helps to talk about it, with people who “get it.” There should be general cancer support groups in your area. Check with the American Cancer Society in your area. There might be melanoma specific support groups as well. There are a few organizations that can link you up with someone else who has a similar cancer diagnosis. One organization that will connect you is Imerman Angels. http://www.imermanangels.org/

                  JC
                  Participant

                    Sometimes it just helps to talk about it, with people who “get it.” There should be general cancer support groups in your area. Check with the American Cancer Society in your area. There might be melanoma specific support groups as well. There are a few organizations that can link you up with someone else who has a similar cancer diagnosis. One organization that will connect you is Imerman Angels. http://www.imermanangels.org/

                    Linny
                    Participant

                      Hi Erin,

                      So sorry to hear you're going through this.

                      In light of everything that you've been through, it's possible you may be going through some sort of post-traumatic stress. But I'm no doctor, so don't take me at my word — schedule an appointment with yours and talk to him/her about this. Don't be afraid to ask for professional help to get you over this hurdle.

                      You can rationalize all you want but sometimes that's not enough to get you out of the hole you've dug yourself into.

                      I've never been on antidepressants in my life but believe me, I didn't hesitate one bit at asking my doctor for help in getting me over the shock of my diagnosis. The antidepressants helped and I no longer need them.

                      I also got lots of support from two breast cancer survivors and one close friend. I still vivdly remember the two phone conversations I had that helped me turn the corner.

                        5dives
                        Participant

                          Hi Erin,

                          I'm so sorry to hear you are struggling with your diagnosis. Like you, I was diagnosed with a .96mm lesion on my thigh on June 10th and like you, I have been fighting anxiety and depression ever since, even though I have seen many, many others on this site and others with worse situations than my own.  I don't think you can compare your reaction to anybody else's, as we each have our own journey to complete.  To me it sounds like you have been through a lot, above and beyond the melanoma, and it's understandable that your brain and system overall would be working overtime. This doesn't make you weak, it makes you human!

                          First of all, I think it's an appropriate reaction to feel sad and worried about melanoma, and putting pressure on ourselves to be cheerful in the face of a life-threatening illness might be more pressure than we need.  That having been said, if your mood is impacting your ability to lead your life in a way you are used to, or if it's impacting your ability to care for your illness, you really might want to see about getting some help.

                          I strongly urge you to consider mentioning your mental distress to your doctors.  They will not find it unusual at all to hear that you are struggling to deal with your diagnosis.  Between my biopsy and meeting with the surgical oncologist, there were times where I found it difficult to breathe and my heart would just race.  Fortunately, meeting the surgical oncologist seems to have calmed me somewhat, and I'm able to prepare for my surgery on July 10.  

                          Erin, this diagnosis isn't fair and you might need some help to cope with it. I hope you can find peace soon.  This group is so supportive and will willingly talk through questions or concerns you may have.  

                          Best,

                          Elaine

                          Erin_Elizz
                          Participant

                            Thank you, Elaine.

                             

                            Even this morning I feel a bit less helpless and ridiculous, but I know that the other feelings will come back. They just do. I think the number one thing I need to find is my patience. Especially since I've only just had my surgury. I wish you the best with your surgery! I was quite a bit nervous before mine, but whatever the doctors gave me calmed me right down. My mom says I was off in la-la land before I was even rolled away on the bed.

                            Also, I have to say thank you or the line "this doesn't make you weak, it makes you human!" I really, really needed to hear that. Hopefully I can keep it to heart in these next few weeks!

                             

                            Thanks again and all the best,

                            Erin

                            Erin_Elizz
                            Participant

                              Thank you, Elaine.

                               

                              Even this morning I feel a bit less helpless and ridiculous, but I know that the other feelings will come back. They just do. I think the number one thing I need to find is my patience. Especially since I've only just had my surgury. I wish you the best with your surgery! I was quite a bit nervous before mine, but whatever the doctors gave me calmed me right down. My mom says I was off in la-la land before I was even rolled away on the bed.

                              Also, I have to say thank you or the line "this doesn't make you weak, it makes you human!" I really, really needed to hear that. Hopefully I can keep it to heart in these next few weeks!

                               

                              Thanks again and all the best,

                              Erin

                              Erin_Elizz
                              Participant

                                Thank you, Elaine.

                                 

                                Even this morning I feel a bit less helpless and ridiculous, but I know that the other feelings will come back. They just do. I think the number one thing I need to find is my patience. Especially since I've only just had my surgury. I wish you the best with your surgery! I was quite a bit nervous before mine, but whatever the doctors gave me calmed me right down. My mom says I was off in la-la land before I was even rolled away on the bed.

                                Also, I have to say thank you or the line "this doesn't make you weak, it makes you human!" I really, really needed to hear that. Hopefully I can keep it to heart in these next few weeks!

                                 

                                Thanks again and all the best,

                                Erin

                                5dives
                                Participant

                                  Hi Erin,

                                  I'm so sorry to hear you are struggling with your diagnosis. Like you, I was diagnosed with a .96mm lesion on my thigh on June 10th and like you, I have been fighting anxiety and depression ever since, even though I have seen many, many others on this site and others with worse situations than my own.  I don't think you can compare your reaction to anybody else's, as we each have our own journey to complete.  To me it sounds like you have been through a lot, above and beyond the melanoma, and it's understandable that your brain and system overall would be working overtime. This doesn't make you weak, it makes you human!

                                  First of all, I think it's an appropriate reaction to feel sad and worried about melanoma, and putting pressure on ourselves to be cheerful in the face of a life-threatening illness might be more pressure than we need.  That having been said, if your mood is impacting your ability to lead your life in a way you are used to, or if it's impacting your ability to care for your illness, you really might want to see about getting some help.

                                  I strongly urge you to consider mentioning your mental distress to your doctors.  They will not find it unusual at all to hear that you are struggling to deal with your diagnosis.  Between my biopsy and meeting with the surgical oncologist, there were times where I found it difficult to breathe and my heart would just race.  Fortunately, meeting the surgical oncologist seems to have calmed me somewhat, and I'm able to prepare for my surgery on July 10.  

                                  Erin, this diagnosis isn't fair and you might need some help to cope with it. I hope you can find peace soon.  This group is so supportive and will willingly talk through questions or concerns you may have.  

                                  Best,

                                  Elaine

                                  5dives
                                  Participant

                                    Hi Erin,

                                    I'm so sorry to hear you are struggling with your diagnosis. Like you, I was diagnosed with a .96mm lesion on my thigh on June 10th and like you, I have been fighting anxiety and depression ever since, even though I have seen many, many others on this site and others with worse situations than my own.  I don't think you can compare your reaction to anybody else's, as we each have our own journey to complete.  To me it sounds like you have been through a lot, above and beyond the melanoma, and it's understandable that your brain and system overall would be working overtime. This doesn't make you weak, it makes you human!

                                    First of all, I think it's an appropriate reaction to feel sad and worried about melanoma, and putting pressure on ourselves to be cheerful in the face of a life-threatening illness might be more pressure than we need.  That having been said, if your mood is impacting your ability to lead your life in a way you are used to, or if it's impacting your ability to care for your illness, you really might want to see about getting some help.

                                    I strongly urge you to consider mentioning your mental distress to your doctors.  They will not find it unusual at all to hear that you are struggling to deal with your diagnosis.  Between my biopsy and meeting with the surgical oncologist, there were times where I found it difficult to breathe and my heart would just race.  Fortunately, meeting the surgical oncologist seems to have calmed me somewhat, and I'm able to prepare for my surgery on July 10.  

                                    Erin, this diagnosis isn't fair and you might need some help to cope with it. I hope you can find peace soon.  This group is so supportive and will willingly talk through questions or concerns you may have.  

                                    Best,

                                    Elaine

                                  Linny
                                  Participant

                                    Hi Erin,

                                    So sorry to hear you're going through this.

                                    In light of everything that you've been through, it's possible you may be going through some sort of post-traumatic stress. But I'm no doctor, so don't take me at my word — schedule an appointment with yours and talk to him/her about this. Don't be afraid to ask for professional help to get you over this hurdle.

                                    You can rationalize all you want but sometimes that's not enough to get you out of the hole you've dug yourself into.

                                    I've never been on antidepressants in my life but believe me, I didn't hesitate one bit at asking my doctor for help in getting me over the shock of my diagnosis. The antidepressants helped and I no longer need them.

                                    I also got lots of support from two breast cancer survivors and one close friend. I still vivdly remember the two phone conversations I had that helped me turn the corner.

                                    Linny
                                    Participant

                                      Hi Erin,

                                      So sorry to hear you're going through this.

                                      In light of everything that you've been through, it's possible you may be going through some sort of post-traumatic stress. But I'm no doctor, so don't take me at my word — schedule an appointment with yours and talk to him/her about this. Don't be afraid to ask for professional help to get you over this hurdle.

                                      You can rationalize all you want but sometimes that's not enough to get you out of the hole you've dug yourself into.

                                      I've never been on antidepressants in my life but believe me, I didn't hesitate one bit at asking my doctor for help in getting me over the shock of my diagnosis. The antidepressants helped and I no longer need them.

                                      I also got lots of support from two breast cancer survivors and one close friend. I still vivdly remember the two phone conversations I had that helped me turn the corner.

                                      sweetaugust
                                      Participant

                                        Hi Erin,

                                        I know very well what you are going through.  Some days are easier than others to smile through and to make others feel better.  And some days it feels like a job trying to make others feel better.  But that's just it….some days are harder than others, especially if you aren't feeling 100%.  I was 26 when I had my first melanoma.  Genetically speaking, several members of my family have had basal and squamous cell carcinomas.  So I was already at risk of skin cancer invading my life at some point.  But I solidified my fate by going to tanning beds for 10 years straight, 3-5 times a week, year-round.  Oops…I was young and immortal….who knew I was causing so much harm to myself.

                                        Anyway, at the beginning when you aren't feeling well, and there is pain from the recovery, or you are just wondering what the future holds, that is when it is scary and hard.  It is normal to feel as you do.  Everyone on here completely understands where you are coming from and has been there.

                                        At the beginning it can feel like cancer is the only thing on your mind…and that can be so draining.  For me, I snapped out of it when I finally did something about my health.  I was sick all the time and I was having moles removed almost weekly for 3 years.  Then it hit me one day that I needed to change my health so that I could feel better and if I felt better, I would be fine.  For me – I am a type A control freak…so this gave me something positive and fun to focus on.  Controlling my health and diet felt like I was finally doing something great to help my situation and that turned everything around for me.  I stopped gettting sick and I stopped growing bad moles and didn't have any excisions for years.  I forgot all about cancer and was living a normal life. 

                                        Everyone's journey is different and different things work for different folks.  So I am just trying to help you understand that what you feel is normal and tomorrow is a new day.  And finding something fun and positive to think about can free you from the gloom and doom you are feeling.  πŸ™‚  Your smile will return and you will feel like you again.  πŸ™‚

                                        Laurie

                                         

                                          5dives
                                          Participant

                                            Laurie,

                                            What great advice! I've been thinking about making some changes to my diet and I've been thinking it might help me feel more in "control" of this situation, even though there's really no way to control it, right?

                                            Your post inspired me to move forward with that idea.  

                                            Thanks! 

                                            Elaine

                                            sweetaugust
                                            Participant

                                              Hi Elaine,

                                              So glad I could help.  Changing to a healthy diet is just something that has really worked for me.  I just try and ask myself what eating healthy can change??  And if it can change my health so I don't catch every cold and flu going around…then what other way is it possibly helping my body with this cancer stuff?!?!  It has opened my mind to a positivity and a force that makes me feel great…and makes me feel like I can handle anything that comes my way.  That in turn brings my attitude to a great place and the stress level goes down greatly.  πŸ™‚  And what is proven by science is that a great attitude and less stress can reverse bad things going on in our body.  πŸ™‚

                                              Laurie

                                              Erin_Elizz
                                              Participant

                                                I agree with Elaine, Laurie, your advice is really fantastic and I hope to move forward with it after I can finally cook again. While I am home now and my dad cooks proper meals for the family dinners, when I was recovering the first time in England my darling boyfriend wasin charge of the dinners. Bless him, he tried to make me happy but full pizzas at 2am in the morning just made me feel horrible. It's amazing how much our diet affects us.

                                                I also hope after recovery I can get to the gym. Never in my life have I wanted to go more than now, but not quite allowed yet. I think whats getting me down the most with this is its my entire left arm out of commission. I cannot do any bit of crafty buisiness to distract myself. It's just lay in bed and don't do this, or don't do that. It gets pretty dull.

                                                 

                                                Here's to hoping the rode to recovery is a quick one so I can learn to live again love my scars.

                                                Thanks again,

                                                Erin

                                                Erin_Elizz
                                                Participant

                                                  I agree with Elaine, Laurie, your advice is really fantastic and I hope to move forward with it after I can finally cook again. While I am home now and my dad cooks proper meals for the family dinners, when I was recovering the first time in England my darling boyfriend wasin charge of the dinners. Bless him, he tried to make me happy but full pizzas at 2am in the morning just made me feel horrible. It's amazing how much our diet affects us.

                                                  I also hope after recovery I can get to the gym. Never in my life have I wanted to go more than now, but not quite allowed yet. I think whats getting me down the most with this is its my entire left arm out of commission. I cannot do any bit of crafty buisiness to distract myself. It's just lay in bed and don't do this, or don't do that. It gets pretty dull.

                                                   

                                                  Here's to hoping the rode to recovery is a quick one so I can learn to live again love my scars.

                                                  Thanks again,

                                                  Erin

                                                  Erin_Elizz
                                                  Participant

                                                    I agree with Elaine, Laurie, your advice is really fantastic and I hope to move forward with it after I can finally cook again. While I am home now and my dad cooks proper meals for the family dinners, when I was recovering the first time in England my darling boyfriend wasin charge of the dinners. Bless him, he tried to make me happy but full pizzas at 2am in the morning just made me feel horrible. It's amazing how much our diet affects us.

                                                    I also hope after recovery I can get to the gym. Never in my life have I wanted to go more than now, but not quite allowed yet. I think whats getting me down the most with this is its my entire left arm out of commission. I cannot do any bit of crafty buisiness to distract myself. It's just lay in bed and don't do this, or don't do that. It gets pretty dull.

                                                     

                                                    Here's to hoping the rode to recovery is a quick one so I can learn to live again love my scars.

                                                    Thanks again,

                                                    Erin

                                                    sweetaugust
                                                    Participant

                                                      Hi Elaine,

                                                      So glad I could help.  Changing to a healthy diet is just something that has really worked for me.  I just try and ask myself what eating healthy can change??  And if it can change my health so I don't catch every cold and flu going around…then what other way is it possibly helping my body with this cancer stuff?!?!  It has opened my mind to a positivity and a force that makes me feel great…and makes me feel like I can handle anything that comes my way.  That in turn brings my attitude to a great place and the stress level goes down greatly.  πŸ™‚  And what is proven by science is that a great attitude and less stress can reverse bad things going on in our body.  πŸ™‚

                                                      Laurie

                                                      sweetaugust
                                                      Participant

                                                        Hi Elaine,

                                                        So glad I could help.  Changing to a healthy diet is just something that has really worked for me.  I just try and ask myself what eating healthy can change??  And if it can change my health so I don't catch every cold and flu going around…then what other way is it possibly helping my body with this cancer stuff?!?!  It has opened my mind to a positivity and a force that makes me feel great…and makes me feel like I can handle anything that comes my way.  That in turn brings my attitude to a great place and the stress level goes down greatly.  πŸ™‚  And what is proven by science is that a great attitude and less stress can reverse bad things going on in our body.  πŸ™‚

                                                        Laurie

                                                        5dives
                                                        Participant

                                                          Laurie,

                                                          What great advice! I've been thinking about making some changes to my diet and I've been thinking it might help me feel more in "control" of this situation, even though there's really no way to control it, right?

                                                          Your post inspired me to move forward with that idea.  

                                                          Thanks! 

                                                          Elaine

                                                          5dives
                                                          Participant

                                                            Laurie,

                                                            What great advice! I've been thinking about making some changes to my diet and I've been thinking it might help me feel more in "control" of this situation, even though there's really no way to control it, right?

                                                            Your post inspired me to move forward with that idea.  

                                                            Thanks! 

                                                            Elaine

                                                          sweetaugust
                                                          Participant

                                                            Hi Erin,

                                                            I know very well what you are going through.  Some days are easier than others to smile through and to make others feel better.  And some days it feels like a job trying to make others feel better.  But that's just it….some days are harder than others, especially if you aren't feeling 100%.  I was 26 when I had my first melanoma.  Genetically speaking, several members of my family have had basal and squamous cell carcinomas.  So I was already at risk of skin cancer invading my life at some point.  But I solidified my fate by going to tanning beds for 10 years straight, 3-5 times a week, year-round.  Oops…I was young and immortal….who knew I was causing so much harm to myself.

                                                            Anyway, at the beginning when you aren't feeling well, and there is pain from the recovery, or you are just wondering what the future holds, that is when it is scary and hard.  It is normal to feel as you do.  Everyone on here completely understands where you are coming from and has been there.

                                                            At the beginning it can feel like cancer is the only thing on your mind…and that can be so draining.  For me, I snapped out of it when I finally did something about my health.  I was sick all the time and I was having moles removed almost weekly for 3 years.  Then it hit me one day that I needed to change my health so that I could feel better and if I felt better, I would be fine.  For me – I am a type A control freak…so this gave me something positive and fun to focus on.  Controlling my health and diet felt like I was finally doing something great to help my situation and that turned everything around for me.  I stopped gettting sick and I stopped growing bad moles and didn't have any excisions for years.  I forgot all about cancer and was living a normal life. 

                                                            Everyone's journey is different and different things work for different folks.  So I am just trying to help you understand that what you feel is normal and tomorrow is a new day.  And finding something fun and positive to think about can free you from the gloom and doom you are feeling.  πŸ™‚  Your smile will return and you will feel like you again.  πŸ™‚

                                                            Laurie

                                                             

                                                            sweetaugust
                                                            Participant

                                                              Hi Erin,

                                                              I know very well what you are going through.  Some days are easier than others to smile through and to make others feel better.  And some days it feels like a job trying to make others feel better.  But that's just it….some days are harder than others, especially if you aren't feeling 100%.  I was 26 when I had my first melanoma.  Genetically speaking, several members of my family have had basal and squamous cell carcinomas.  So I was already at risk of skin cancer invading my life at some point.  But I solidified my fate by going to tanning beds for 10 years straight, 3-5 times a week, year-round.  Oops…I was young and immortal….who knew I was causing so much harm to myself.

                                                              Anyway, at the beginning when you aren't feeling well, and there is pain from the recovery, or you are just wondering what the future holds, that is when it is scary and hard.  It is normal to feel as you do.  Everyone on here completely understands where you are coming from and has been there.

                                                              At the beginning it can feel like cancer is the only thing on your mind…and that can be so draining.  For me, I snapped out of it when I finally did something about my health.  I was sick all the time and I was having moles removed almost weekly for 3 years.  Then it hit me one day that I needed to change my health so that I could feel better and if I felt better, I would be fine.  For me – I am a type A control freak…so this gave me something positive and fun to focus on.  Controlling my health and diet felt like I was finally doing something great to help my situation and that turned everything around for me.  I stopped gettting sick and I stopped growing bad moles and didn't have any excisions for years.  I forgot all about cancer and was living a normal life. 

                                                              Everyone's journey is different and different things work for different folks.  So I am just trying to help you understand that what you feel is normal and tomorrow is a new day.  And finding something fun and positive to think about can free you from the gloom and doom you are feeling.  πŸ™‚  Your smile will return and you will feel like you again.  πŸ™‚

                                                              Laurie

                                                               

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